Friday here, the end of a very long week. I woke up this morning feeling very discouraged. I am nauseous all day long (which is incredibly debilitating), and struggling to sleep at night which is leaving me exhausted during the day. Bruce gets up and leaves us at 6.45 am and doesn't return until 6.15 - 6.30 at night. He has arrived home both Wednesday and Thursday evening to no dinner as I have just been too incapacitated to even cook. The strong smells of food are enough to make me sick. I am feeling a ton of guilt and the short 5 weeks that is needed to get us towards the end of the first trimester and on a plane to New York is seeming increasingly further and further away.
I also have had to give up my routine of juice with barley grass in the morning, followed by a fruit and nut milk smoothie and lunch was generally a salad, or raw veg wrap and then later freshly juiced carrots with some combo of vegetables. Now before you all start to wonder what's happening to the better part of my taste buds while I'm standing upside down on the other side of the world, let me explain.
This is all part of my new raw food diet, something I picked up after our miscarriage when I had felt so unwell for such a prolonged period of time. It seemed that I couldn't mentally or physically pick myself up and this dragged on for about 2 months when I discovered raw food and the amount of healing it could bring to a persons damaged body. I have spent a lot of time researching raw food, and although I had not converted 100%, I believed that I was seeing the effects of having a real balance of raw and cooked food in my diet. Raw food seemed to provide so much energy for me so I was eating it in the morning and as much as possible throughout the day. Sadly, I cannot stomach the sight of raw food, let alone eat it at the moment! At least not in the way that I had.
I get up now and consume a glass of milk (cows milk!! gross!) and wait for it to start to settle my stomach. Then all day long I crave breads, cheese, yogurt, eggs, chicken, protein, protein, protein, mostly animal protein which grosses out my vegetarian side but my pregnant side seems to be able to gobble it down just fine. I am really struggling to find a balance right now and am disappointed because I believed that I would provide my baby with this wonderful nutritious start in life and now instead all the little bean is getting is dairy cow products. :(
On the very bright side - we are headed to Christchurch this weekend to pick up Monty from quarantine!! Talk about excited Paterson family. Looking forward to curling up with Monty at nap time.
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